Play it cool 'guv...

Easier said than done though isn't it. Granted no-one wants a needy boyfriend on the end of the phone everyday desperate to "talk" about things but still.

H has gone away for a few days with friends. I've not heard from her since she went. In the meantime I've been thinking that I've made a terrible mistake. I want her. I want "us". But is that what I'm really feeling? When I spoke to IB the other night he made me see things in a new light, which is unusual for him as when it comes to relationships he's normally as useful as a chocolate teapot.

I'm the one who's moved out of my home.
I'm the one who's now living my parents.
I'm the one whose friends live bloody miles away.
I'm the one who has just lost his job.
I'm the one lacking direction, purpose and is generally confused as fuck as to what's going on.

H has none of these things to worry about. She's still in our flat, with our cats, with one of her best friends as her flatmate to keep her company. She has a job she loves, friends nearby and now has gone gallivanting to the other end of the country having a wail of a time. No wonder she's not that fussed about being single. Must be lovely. If only the boot was on the other foot. Would she feel different?

How can we possibly get to understand how we feel about each other when the playing table is so angled towards one player? And just what can I do about it?

So do I really want her back, or am I just feeling a natural loneliness coupled with insecurities about becoming unemployed and not seeing any of my mates?

How the bloody hell am I supposed to know?!